Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Babies.

E and I have been together a long time and because of that people tend to believe we do not want children because we do not have them yet. I have written before that I wasn't sure about kids..."do I want one?" "Are we ready?" "None of our close Austin friends have one." And the list goes on and on. I peruse the internet, blogs and different baby sites to see what that baby itch is all about and to learn. I have come up with some findings:
-I don't think people plan for babies. I don't think people go through TTC (Trying-to-conceive). I swear 80% of conception seems to be an "oops, it happened and now we are ecstatic." Is this true? Do people really not sit down and think about and plan on having a baby? (Of course, I don't have one, so I don't know which is the correct way and really, whatever floats one's boat is the best for them.) I think a lot of people have the idea of "we are ready, so if it happens...we will be elated." I wish that would happen to us. I really, really, really do not want to go through the whole TTC and be disappointed every single month. I feel that would not only put a damper on my body, but also our marriage. 
-Next, there are a ton of infertility issues out there. I read so many blogs about IVF...it's unreal. I went to my gyno in December to have THE talk as well as get my yearly exam and she explained great things to me, but she also told me that infertility is on the rise and no one really knows why. I shouldn't have any infertility issues as I am regular and my mother was the same way, but with that being said...You never know. There is a guy at my office whose wife is begging, hoping and praying to be able to carry a baby. They went through IVF and it failed...I cannot even imagine. I hope and pray my body will be healthy and be able to carry a little peanut!
-Age. No one can tell a lady or a gent when they should carry a baby or TTC. Nowadays, people are getting married older, so they are having babies older, duh. Of course, doctors and experts will tell you the older you are there are more chances of disabilities in the child and it's harder to conceive. I understand all that, but some people prefer to wait. They want to have a life and build a strong, stable marriage FIRST. Others, prefer to have the babies FIRST, so they can have a life later and be younger parents. To-each-is-own. I really hate when people say..."Oh, Julez your biological clock is ticking." Seriously? I doubt that. I am not even in my thirty's...get out of town immediately. 
-Why is breastfeeding causing a frenzy in main stream America? I guess I will never understand or comprehend that one. If I want to breastfeed, I will breastfeed. If I am comfortable with plopping out my boob, so my child can eat in public...so be it. I think everyone is so different and peeps need to stop judging and putting their beliefs on everyone around them.
That's just a start. I go to bed thinking about this and wake up thinking about this. It's interesting to me. The timetable of fertility...natural family planning...when to have sex...when not to have sex...how ovulation works...your insurance...hospital...oh, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage...and the list goes on and on. Do y'all have tips or thoughts on this joyful time? TTC and pregnancy are supposed to be joyful, right? We will see about that one.
Have you read The Pregnant Chicken? If you haven't you definitely need to because it's stinkin' funny. She uses cuss words (a lot), so if you get offended easily don't say I didn't warn you. 

7 comments:

Wittschen's said...

omg. I so happy that you wrote this. I have been wanting to write a similar post, but figured I would upset some people in our family with what I would want to say. We are in a similar situtaion. Do you know how many times we get asked a day when we are going to give Dane a sibling. It's unreal. Just because he isn't a baby anymore people assume that we need to get started on the 2nd one. Society says that once you have a boyfriend you need to get married, and once you are married then you start getting asked whens the baby coming? then you have one and everyone thinks you should have another so they will be close in age.

Kevin and I are unsure if we want another. Is that bad? We are torn. And thats why we have waited. And we know the longer we wait, the bigger age gap there will be with Dane... and the older we will be and blah blah blah. and we feel guilty that we don't have the burning desire like most people to have another. We just don't. Not sure if we will or not. sometimes we think well we may never be ready for a 2nd, so we might as well just do it. but other times we are like no, we dont want another, who cares what people think about us. It's hard to be in this situation or yours as well. Like many, Dane was a major oops. We had a night of heavy drinking at a party, and I was in between switching birth pills. We weren't ready. And to be quite honest we weren't elated at first. Obviously this changed as the pregnancy continued and I wouldnt change it for the world now. but, I think some people want to get married and have babies immediately. Some want to wait years. Nothing wrong with either. Everyone is different. Every relationship is different. I know where you are coming from 100%. I'm telling you I have dealt with some major guilt as to why am I not like my friends and dying to have another baby. I hated being pregnant. And having a kid is hard. It's hard on the marriage (if anyone says its not they are lying) and its hard on your social life. Kevin and I miss being able to just do what we want and go places how we used to. I mean obviously I love being a mommy now. It is a joyful time. But so is being without kids. Its all about how you look at it. I say do what is right for you and Eric. Rather that be have lots of babies. or wait several more years. I freak out about the infertility stuff too... like would if I wait too long and then can't get pregnant. But, just have to hand that over to God. Can't make descions based on what might happen in the future.

anyway I just wrote a book. But you touched the core with me on this one!! :)

Wittschen's said...

omg. I so happy that you wrote this. I have been wanting to write a similar post, but figured I would upset some people in our family with what I would want to say. We are in a similar situtaion. Do you know how many times we get asked a day when we are going to give Dane a sibling. It's unreal. Just because he isn't a baby anymore people assume that we need to get started on the 2nd one. Society says that once you have a boyfriend you need to get married, and once you are married then you start getting asked whens the baby coming? then you have one and everyone thinks you should have another so they will be close in age.

Kevin and I are unsure if we want another. Is that bad? We are torn. And thats why we have waited. And we know the longer we wait, the bigger age gap there will be with Dane... and the older we will be and blah blah blah. and we feel guilty that we don't have the burning desire like most people to have another. We just don't. Not sure if we will or not. sometimes we think well we may never be ready for a 2nd, so we might as well just do it. but other times we are like no, we dont want another, who cares what people think about us. It's hard to be in this situation or yours as well. Like many, Dane was a major oops. We had a night of heavy drinking at a party, and I was in between switching birth pills. We weren't ready. And to be quite honest we weren't elated at first. Obviously this changed as the pregnancy continued and I wouldnt change it for the world now. but, I think some people want to get married and have babies immediately. Some want to wait years. Nothing wrong with either. Everyone is different. Every relationship is different. I know where you are coming from 100%. I'm telling you I have dealt with some major guilt as to why am I not like my friends and dying to have another baby. I hated being pregnant. And having a kid is hard. It's hard on the marriage (if anyone says its not they are lying) and its hard on your social life. Kevin and I miss being able to just do what we want and go places how we used to. I mean obviously I love being a mommy now. It is a joyful time. But so is being without kids. Its all about how you look at it. I say do what is right for you and Eric. Rather that be have lots of babies. or wait several more years. I freak out about the infertility stuff too... like would if I wait too long and then can't get pregnant. But, just have to hand that over to God. Can't make descions based on what might happen in the future.

anyway I just wrote a book. But you touched the core with me on this one!! :)

MavsMom said...

I have so many comments for this that I am not even sure where to start. For years, I was uncertain about having children. You can read through my old blog posts and see my doubts and questions about possible motherhood. I didn't really start to have a desire to reproduce until I hit 30. Then I got divorced so I decided that again motherhood was not for me.

When Chris and I started dating, I was faced with full time stepmotherhood and knew that the subject of more children would come up. Never once was I one of those women who was desperate to have a child. I just knew that if I didn't at least try I would probably regret it. We never really said we were trying, it was more that we were prevented. And as you know, it happened much to our surprise and happiness.

My advice to you is to decide what you want and just let it happen. Don't stress about what may or may not happen. Otherwise, you will worry yourself to death.

Melissa said...

So, in our case, we did the whole TTC. I knew I was ready right after we were married. The whole waiting each month and being disappointed does kinda stink, but month #4 was our lucky number which isnt bad at all, especially since there is only like 5 days within your 28 day cycle that you can actual get prego. Basically if you want to "try" without really trying...my tip...have sex every other day the entire SECOND week AFTER your last day of your last period. So, out of the three week you arent on your period go crazy that 2nd week! It's the magically week -- IF your regular! It took us a couple of months bc my body had to adjust after getting off the pill. I wish the whole "oops!" factor would happen for us, just so it wouldnt be left up to me when the right time for baby #2 would be. I dunno maybe it will. I guess I would have to get off the pill first though, right? LOL!

Lindsey Elizabeth Burke said...

We never "tried"...it was definitely an "OOPS"-BOTH times! I don't think one can ever truly prepare to have a child. You can never prepare for everything that changes when you bring a child(ren) into the mix. They are amazing! But John and I would still probably "not be ready" if God had not of stepped in and deemed us "ready"...:) I know this is trite but you'll never be "ready" or "prepared"...even if you feel like you are...just trust God that His timing is perfect-daily giving it up (cause it's a daily thing). Because at the end of the day, He is really the one in control. NOT us! (Thank goodness!)

Kristin said...

We tried with Keaton and Karter but #3 was a BIG surprise!! Our "trying" WASN'T buying ovulation tests and making a big todo about it though! We just got off the pill and said it would happen when God wanted it to happen. So we just went about our merry way, having sex and eventually it happened. When you take the tests to see if it worked yet it is a little downer when you see a big negative infront of you but I think not worrying and just trusting God is the best way to do it! =)

LDC said...

dill! first you make me laugh, all of what you said is so right on. im not really sure why it is once you get married its....why are you not having children?????? For us, Trenton was a surprise and Hudson came after four miscarriages. of course i was hurt and thought what have i done to have all these miscarriages but in the end i realized it really is in the best timing for us because God knew our path and what was right for us. as for the breast feeding....trenton i did it for 3 months and hudson i did it for 6 months. it is all what you want to do and what you know is right for not only your body but for your kids as well. as for the age thing...my aunt had her first born at 42, she did marry late but guess what...all the worries of if you have a child late in age the baby could have this and that wrong...nope! Katie is just as perfect as the next kid. i will also say i agree with everyone.....you are never ready for the bundle of joy and huge frustration of everyday life of being a mom! it is utterly amazing to me that in one second you can me so in love with your kid and then the next second you are so upset b/c he socks his brother for no reason right in front of you with a smile on his face.
you have no idea how much entertaining it is for me to see you and E enjoying your vacations together. we are crazy parents who make our vacations around our kids and really dont take time to have a vacation for the two of us because we get so sad when we are away from them. this is not to say we will never have a vacation without them just for now we plan them in our vacations.
i hope that you enjoy life with E and dont worry about what everyone else believes you should be doing b/c that is what they did. i know that God has a plan for the both of you and who knows it might be to have ten kids by the time you are 50 or one but i am a firm believer...you can hear norma talking now...things happen for a reason and God will never give you something that will break you!